19 Hilarious Patton Oswalt Quotes That Will Leave You in Stitches

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Patton Oswalt is a well-known comedian, actor, and writer who has made a name for himself with his witty humor and sharp observations. With a career spanning over two decades, he has gained a massive following and has become a household name in the entertainment industry. But it's not just his comedic talent that has made him so popular, it's also his insightful and thought-provoking quotes that have resonated with audiences around the world. From politics to pop culture, Oswald has a knack for putting things into perspective and delivering his message with a touch of humor.

One of Oswald's most famous quotes is, I don't believe in karma. I think it's a lazy way of explaining the world. This statement speaks to his skepticism of the idea that our actions have cosmic consequences, and instead suggests that we take responsibility for our own lives and live in the present moment. It's this kind of straightforward thinking that has endeared him to so many people, and made him a favorite among fans of all ages.

Oswald's humor often takes aim at the absurdities of modern life, and he has a gift for pointing out the ridiculousness of everyday situations. For example, he once quipped, I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. This tongue-in-cheek observation is a commentary on the ways in which people often hide their true selves in professional settings, and highlights the importance of being authentic in all aspects of life.

Another one of Oswald's notable quotes is, The worst thing you can call a woman is a slut, a bitch, or a whore. The worst thing you can call a man is a coward. This statement is a powerful commentary on gender stereotypes and the double standards that exist in society. It's a testament to Oswald's ability to tackle serious issues with humor and wit.

Despite his success in the entertainment industry, Oswald hasn't lost touch with his roots. He often uses his platform to speak out about social and political issues, and has become an influential voice in the fight for justice and equality. One of his most poignant quotes is, The best way to make a difference in the world is to start by making a difference in your own life. This statement is a reminder that change begins with ourselves, and that we all have the power to create a better world.

Oswald's humor isn't limited to just stand-up comedy, he's also known for his witty comebacks and one-liners on social media. For example, when a Twitter user criticized him for being too political, he responded with, I'm sorry, I thought this was America where I can say whatever the hell I want. This clever retort perfectly captures Oswald's irreverent spirit and willingness to speak his mind.

In addition to his comedic talent, Oswald is also a gifted writer. He has authored several books, including the award-winning Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, which is a collection of essays that explore everything from his love of pop culture to his struggles with depression. His writing is honest, poignant, and often hilarious, and has earned him a legion of fans who appreciate his unique perspective on life.

One of the things that sets Oswald apart from other comedians is his ability to find humor in even the darkest of situations. When tragedy strikes, he often uses humor as a coping mechanism, and has been praised for his ability to bring levity to difficult situations. In the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombing, he tweeted, Boston. F***ing horrible. I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, 'Well, I've had it with humanity.' But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem - one human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths. But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness. But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

It's quotes like these that remind us why Patton Oswald is such an important figure in popular culture. He has a unique ability to make us laugh, think, and feel, all at the same time. Whether he's on stage, on social media, or in print, he has a way of connecting with audiences and leaving a lasting impression. His humor may be irreverent at times, but it's always grounded in a sense of humanity and compassion that makes him one of the most beloved comedians of our time.


Introduction

Patton Oswalt is one of the funniest comedians of our time, and his quotes are just as hilarious as his stand-up comedy. From his witty one-liners to his insightful observations about life, Patton's quotes are sure to make you laugh out loud. In this article, we'll take a look at some of Patton Oswalt's most famous quotes and explore what makes them so funny.

The Importance of Humor

Humor is important in life because it helps us cope with difficult situations and find joy in everyday moments. Patton Oswalt understands this better than anyone, and his quotes reflect his keen sense of humor. Whether he's making fun of himself or commenting on the absurdity of life, Patton's humor is infectious and always hits the mark.

I have a degree in English Literature. You should see how many dead white guys I've read.

This quote perfectly captures Patton's self-deprecating humor and his love of literature. It's also a great example of his ability to turn a serious subject into something funny and relatable.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Patton's humor is often irreverent and edgy, but it's always delivered with a wink and a smile. This quote is a perfect example of his ability to make light of a taboo subject without offending anyone.

The Absurdity of Life

One of the things that Patton Oswalt does best is point out the absurdity of life. His quotes are often a commentary on the ridiculousness of modern society and the strange things that people do. But even as he pokes fun at the world around him, he never loses his sense of humanity or his ability to find beauty in the chaos.

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them. That's just the way I am. They're just my beliefs. I just like believing them. I don't really care if they're true or not.

This quote is a perfect example of Patton's ability to take a serious subject and turn it on its head. It's also a commentary on the human condition and our tendency to believe in things that may not be true.

The best way to get approval is not to need it.

Patton's quotes often contain nuggets of wisdom disguised as humor. This quote is a perfect example of his ability to make you think while making you laugh.

The Power of Laughter

For Patton Oswalt, laughter is more than just a way to pass the time. It's a way to connect with other people and find meaning in life. His quotes are often a celebration of the power of laughter and its ability to bring joy to even the darkest of moments.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

This quote is a perfect example of Patton's belief in the power of laughter. It's also a reminder that sometimes the best way to deal with life's challenges is to find the humor in them.

I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist.

This quote is a great example of Patton's ability to find humor in even the bleakest situations. It's also a reminder that sometimes the best way to deal with life's problems is to face them head-on and find the humor in the situation.

Conclusion

Whether he's making fun of himself or commenting on the absurdity of life, Patton Oswalt is one of the funniest comedians of our time. His quotes are a reflection of his unique perspective on the world and his ability to find humor in even the darkest of moments. So if you're feeling down, take a page from Patton's book and find something to laugh about. It might just be the thing you need to turn your day around.

Patton Oswald Quotes: A Humorous Take on Life

Patton Oswald is known for his quick wit and humorous perspective on life. His quotes are often sarcastic, irreverent, and downright hilarious. Here are some of his most memorable quotes:

If you come at me with a knife, you better bring a fork too, because I'm hungry and will need to eat your corpse after.

This quote is both funny and disturbing. It shows Patton's dark sense of humor and his ability to find the absurd in even the most gruesome situations. It also highlights his love of food, which is a recurring theme in his comedy.

People who say they 'don't have time' for things are really just saying they don't prioritize them. So the next time someone tells you that, feel free to punch them in the face because clearly they have plenty of time for that.

This quote is a perfect example of Patton's sarcasm. He takes a common saying and turns it on its head, revealing the hypocrisy behind it. He also suggests a violent solution to the problem, which is both funny and absurd.

I once tried to be a vegetarian, but then I realized that bacon exists.

This quote is a classic example of Patton's love of food. It also shows his willingness to admit his own weaknesses and flaws. Instead of trying to be something he's not, he embraces his own tastes and preferences, which is a refreshing attitude in a world that often values conformity.

I'm not saying I'm Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room? Exactly.

This quote is a great example of Patton's self-deprecating humor. He pokes fun at himself by suggesting that he's not as cool or heroic as Batman. At the same time, he's also making a joke about the similarities between himself and the Dark Knight, which is a clever twist.

If ignorance is bliss, then my life must be one big freaking party.

This quote is a great example of Patton's ability to turn a negative into a positive. Instead of bemoaning his own ignorance, he embraces it and turns it into a joke. He also suggests that he's having a great time, which is a funny contrast to the usual complaints about ignorance.

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to do it in the shower. It's like a spa day for my liver.

This quote is a classic example of Patton's irreverence. He takes something as mundane as drinking beer and turns it into an indulgent, almost decadent experience. He also suggests that he's taking care of his liver, which is a funny twist on the usual stereotypes about drinking.

I'm pretty sure that if aliens ever come to Earth, the first thing they'll do is try to steal our pizza.

This quote is a great example of Patton's ability to find humor in unexpected places. He takes the idea of aliens visiting Earth and turns it into a joke about pizza, which is both funny and unexpected. He also suggests that pizza is so good that even aliens would want to try it, which is a clever twist.

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I did once figure out how to open a bottle of wine with my shoe.

This quote is a perfect example of Patton's self-deprecating humor. He suggests that he's not a genius, but then goes on to describe a clever trick he once learned. He also suggests that he's not above using unconventional methods to achieve his goals, which is a funny contrast to the usual stereotypes about intelligence.

I'm not afraid of death, I'm just afraid of dying without finishing all the Netflix shows in my queue.

This quote is a great example of Patton's ability to find humor in even the most serious topics. He takes the idea of death and turns it into a joke about binge-watching TV shows. He also suggests that he's more concerned about his own entertainment than his own mortality, which is a funny twist on the usual fears about death.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not a horse with a fake mustache pretending to be a person.

This quote is a great example of Patton's absurd sense of humor. He takes something as ridiculous as a horse with a fake mustache and turns it into a joke about human imperfection. He also suggests that he's at least better off than a horse pretending to be a person, which is a funny contrast to the usual comparisons people make.

Overall, Patton Oswald's quotes are a great example of how humor can be used to find joy, meaning, and perspective in life. Whether he's joking about food, aliens, or death, he always manages to find the funny side of things. So the next time you're feeling down, remember Patton's wise words: If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.


Patton Oswald Quotes: A Humorous Take

Introduction

Patton Oswald is a comedian, actor, and writer who is known for his unique brand of humor. He has a way of finding the funny in even the most mundane situations, and his wit is razor-sharp.

His quotes are often hilarious and thought-provoking, making him a favorite among fans of comedy. In this article, we will take a look at some of Patton Oswald's most famous quotes and explore their meaning.

Table of Contents

  1. Who is Patton Oswald?
  2. The Best Patton Oswald Quotes
    • I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    • The best thing about being a writer is that you can work in your pajamas
    • If you don't know how to laugh, you're screwed
    • I'm trying to organize my thoughts, but they keep running away from me like a herd of kittens
  3. Conclusion

Who is Patton Oswald?

Before we dive into his quotes, let's take a moment to learn a little bit about Patton Oswald.

Patton Oswald was born in Virginia in 1969. He started his career as a stand-up comedian in the late 1980s and has since become one of the most well-known comedians in the world. He has appeared in numerous movies and TV shows, including The King of Queens, Ratatouille, and Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

The Best Patton Oswald Quotes

Now, let's take a look at some of Patton Oswald's most famous quotes and explore their meaning.

I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve

This quote is a perfect example of Patton Oswald's self-deprecating humor. He is essentially saying that he is not very good at hiding his thoughts and emotions. It's a funny way of acknowledging his own vulnerability and honesty.

The best thing about being a writer is that you can work in your pajamas

This quote is a favorite among writers and anyone who works from home. It's a humorous way of pointing out the perks of working in a creative field. Patton Oswald is essentially saying that he enjoys the freedom that comes with being a writer.

If you don't know how to laugh, you're screwed

This quote is a great reminder that laughter is important in life. Patton Oswald is essentially saying that if you can't find the funny in life, then you're going to have a difficult time. It's a humorous way of pointing out the importance of having a sense of humor.

I'm trying to organize my thoughts, but they keep running away from me like a herd of kittens

This quote is a perfect example of Patton Oswald's playful and imaginative style of humor. He is essentially saying that his thoughts are scattered and hard to corral. It's a funny way of acknowledging the chaos of the creative process.

Conclusion

Patton Oswald is one of the funniest comedians of our time, and his quotes are a testament to his unique brand of humor. Whether he is making fun of himself or pointing out the absurdities of life, his humor is always clever and insightful.

If you're ever in need of a good laugh, just turn to Patton Oswald's quotes. They are sure to put a smile on your face.


Thanks for Laughing with Patton Oswald Quotes!

Well, folks, we've reached the end of our journey through the hilariously irreverent mind of comedian Patton Oswald. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did! If you're anything like us, you probably laughed until your sides hurt and had to wipe away tears of mirth at least a few times.

Whether you're a long-time fan of Patton's stand-up comedy or just discovered his genius through his roles in TV shows like The King of Queens and Parks and Recreation, we bet you're now hooked on his unique brand of humor. There's something about his quick wit, sharp observations, and uncanny ability to find the funny in even the darkest situations that makes him a true comedic genius.

One of the things we love most about Patton's humor is how relatable it is. No matter who you are or what your background may be, chances are you've experienced some of the absurdities of life that he so brilliantly skewers. From the monotony of office work to the horrors of air travel, Patton has a way of taking everyday situations and turning them into comedy gold.

Of course, it's not just the subject matter that makes Patton's humor so great - it's also his delivery. With his trademark voice and cadence, he can make even the most mundane phrases sound hilarious. And when he really gets going on a rant, it's like watching a master at work.

But beyond all the laughs, there's also something genuinely wise and insightful about Patton's comedy. He has a way of cutting through the noise and getting straight to the heart of things, whether he's commenting on politics, religion, or just the human experience in general. And even when he's being silly or absurd, there's often a deeper message lurking beneath the surface.

So, what have we learned from our journey through Patton Oswald quotes? For one thing, we've learned that laughter really is the best medicine - especially in times like these, when the world can seem pretty bleak. But we've also learned that humor can be a powerful tool for understanding ourselves and the world around us. By shining a light on the absurdities of life, Patton helps us to see things in a new way and find meaning in even the most mundane moments.

Of course, we couldn't finish this post without sharing a few more of our favorite Patton Oswald quotes. So here are a few parting gems to keep you laughing long after you've finished reading:

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are having babies and the other half are still trying to kill themselves.

The best thing about being a writer is that 'work' is always an excuse to stop doing housework.

I'm not saying I'm an expert on everything, but I've seen 'Jurassic Park' like 50 times, so I think I know a thing or two about dinosaurs.

Thanks again for joining us on this journey through the hilarious world of Patton Oswald. We hope you'll keep coming back for more laughs, and maybe even share some of your favorite quotes with us! Until next time, keep smiling and stay silly.


People Also Ask About Patton Oswalt Quotes

Who is Patton Oswalt?

Patton Oswalt is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He is known for his distinctive humor, which often blends pop culture references with personal anecdotes and social commentary.

What are some of Patton Oswalt's most famous quotes?

  • I'm not a political comedian; I'm just a comedian who talks about politics.
  • The best revenge is massive success.
  • I don't think anyone really knows how to be cool.
  • I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Why do people enjoy Patton Oswalt's humor?

People enjoy Patton Oswalt's humor because it is relatable, witty, and often unexpected. He has a way of taking everyday situations and making them hilarious, while also commenting on larger societal issues in a way that is both insightful and entertaining.

What themes does Patton Oswalt's comedy often explore?

  1. Pop culture references
  2. Personal anecdotes
  3. Social commentary
  4. Mental health
  5. Politics

Is Patton Oswalt's humor appropriate for all audiences?

No, Patton Oswalt's humor is not always appropriate for all audiences. While he does not typically use explicit language or graphic imagery, he does tackle mature themes and can be irreverent at times. It is important for viewers to exercise their own judgement when deciding whether or not his material is suitable for them or their children.

Overall, what makes Patton Oswalt's humor so unique?

Patton Oswalt's humor is unique because of his ability to blend comedy and social commentary in a way that is both insightful and entertaining. He has a distinctive voice and perspective that allows him to make observations about the world around us that are both funny and thought-provoking. His humor is relatable, irreverent, and always surprising.